THE DEAL I STRUCK WITH BURGER KING

I entered a deal with Burger King to have the Burger King logo tattooed on my body in exchange for a lump sum payment - a simple deal, in which I would display both their logo and, subtextually, my enthusiasm for their burgers, in exchange for a cash payout - and having made an agreement in good faith I proceeded with the tattoo, but found when I served my invoice to Burger King that they had cold feet and now expressed significant reservations about the tattoo - its adherence to brand guidelines and colours, size and placement - and they told me that they could not fulfil the terms we had struck, leaving me no choice but to pursue payment in court, plus modest damages as recompense for the emotional distress caused by the betrayal I had felt at the hands of Burger King - and my lawsuit was victorious, but the trial was so distressing that I couldn’t bear to see the logo on my skin and so used the payout to have it removed with a laser, and unfortunately on my way out of the clinic I ran into the CEO of Burger King escorting his teenage daughter to have a teardrop erased from her right cheek, and he knew exactly what I was there for and countersued me, claiming I’d reneged on my end of our deal - and unfortunately the judge agreed, and I was left with the choice of repaying the money or getting another tattoo, but I’d already staked every cent of my earnings and more on an unlucky horse in a remote steeplechase and could neither repay it nor cover the cost of a second tattoo - not without taking out a loan, and that’s why I’m offering the bank the chance to have their logo tattooed on my skin.